Pregnancy Loss
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Chipped: Struggling with Anxiety During Pregnancy After Loss
When I became pregnant for the first time five years ago, I was filled with so much joy, excitement, optimism, and the naïveté that nothing would go wrong. When that first pregnancy resulted in an early loss, many of those positive feelings got chipped away. Subsequently I became a little less excited, a little less joyful, a little more pessimistic. I was no longer ignorant to the fact that a positive pregnancy test does not automatically equal a baby in my arms. I feel like that first loss created a new version of me, a me that was much more riddled with anxiety and who was very aware of what…
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Faith as Small as a Mustard Seed
Several months after our first pregnancy loss I found myself… still not pregnant. I had initially thought that because I got pregnant once I would be able to get pregnant again. But when it didn’t happen in the next few months I started doubting myself and my body. I decided to schedule an appointment with a fertility doctor to make sure everything was okay. After all of the blood tests, hormone tests, and a painful hysteroscopy, my doctor found absolutely nothing wrong with me. She suggested I start a round of IUI but that felt like a big first step for us, so I asked her if we could try…
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Never Too Little to Grieve
I’ll never forget the first time I saw those two pink lines, after 6 months of negatives, 6 months of tracking, timing, and praying that this month would be the month. It was finally our turn. I woke up early in the morning and couldn’t fall back asleep, so I decided to head to the bathroom to take a test. I was not expecting to see anything, as I hadn’t for the months before. But to my surprise when I looked at that test – a second line. I couldn’t believe it. I stared at that test intensely and started to shake. Could it be? Could it really be? I…
