When I became pregnant for the first time five years ago, I was filled with so much joy, excitement, optimism, and the naïveté that nothing would go wrong. When that first pregnancy resulted in an early loss, many of those positive feelings got chipped away. Subsequently I became a little less excited, a little less joyful, a little more pessimistic. I was no longer ignorant to the fact that a positive pregnancy test does not automatically equal a baby in my arms. I feel like that first loss created a new version of me, a me that was much more riddled with anxiety and who was very aware of what…