For Everything There Is a Season

When I was postpartum with my first baby, it felt like life went by so slowly. I was severely sleep deprived, depressed, and riddled with anxiety. The days and nights felt so long. I dreaded every evening when the sun went down. And I remember waiting for time to go by. Waiting for the day my newborn would sleep at night so I could finally get some rest. Waiting for her to stop crying during dinner time so I could eat without having to shovel food down as quickly as possible. Waiting for the moment when I wouldn’t feel like I was barely keeping my head above water. Waiting to find myself again, whoever that may be. People would tell me that this was just a short season and that I would miss it all. They told me it would get better soon. So I waited for that.

Now postpartum with my third, I find myself desperately hoping for time to slow down. Maybe it’s because I’m not overcome with depression like I was the first and second time. Maybe it’s because I now know how quickly it all goes by – truly in the blink of an eye. Or maybe it’s because this might really be the last time I’ll ever get to experience this. I find myself pausing and trying to savor every little look. Every quick, tiny breath. Every adorable newborn scrunch. Every squeak and grunt and silly sleepy smile. Every milk drunk eye roll. The way he flails his little arms and legs around uncontrollably. The way his leg shakes when he stretches and how his bottom lip quivers when I pick him up. The way he loves gazing at the ceiling lights and out the window. The way it seems like everything he sees amazes him. The way his mouth curls up into a little “o” when it looks like he’s deep in thought. His tiny voice and hands and feet. The way he smells. Oh, how I wish I could bottle up his sweet newborn smell. The softness of his skin and hair. And each time he is cradled on my chest, I stare at him in wonder. I’m in awe of this little miracle God’s given me. I can’t believe I’ve been given three of them. And as much as I wish I could keep experiencing the miracle of pregnancy, and birth, and new life, I know that this season may be coming to an end. And it is almost too heartbreaking to think about. I know I will deeply grieve it when it’s over. And even though I’d love to remember it all, the truth is I know there’s so much I’ll forget, which also makes me sad. So for now I’ll keep staring at my tiny, squishy baby, and hold him in my arms any chance I get. And I’ll snuggle my two sweet toddlers and thank God for our three little miracles. For everything there is a season, and I tell myself that whatever God has planned for our next season will be beautiful too.

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” – Ecclesiastes 3:1